Man (in) a Tee
This is Part 2 in a series dealing with Love, Sex, Dating, and Marriage. You can find Part 1, The Right Person, here.
I know a few casual daters out there. I know some serious ones out there too. And there are also those that just like the thrill of the chase and even more still that just like having a good time. #YOLO am I right? I’m sure you know that YOLO, You Only Live Once, came from a very popular phrase dating back to 23 BC, penned by a Latin poet name Horace. This phrase is Carpe Diem, or seize the day. Oh, how I really dislike things being taken out of context.
Here’s the phrase in it’s entirety: carpe diem, quam mimimum credula postero, or seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the next day.
This is not a call out there to live recklessly, in fact, it’s just the opposite. This piece of wisdom, combined with Ecclesiastes 9 and 11, calls us to fully utilize today because we have no idea what may happen tomorrow. In other words, you want that job tomorrow? What are you doing today to get it? You want that nice house and the white picket fence? What are you doing today to get it? This phrase doesn’t tell us to just throw caution to the wind and do every reckless thing under the sun, its the exact opposite!
Let’s bring it a little closer to home and throw some relevancy into the mix. You want that healthy relationship tomorrow? What are you doing today to get it?
“Oh, it’ll be okay, I’ll just have my fun now and when I get married, I’ll have a fresh start.” Baffling how many people believe this. It’s as if, once you get married, your past just disappears and it won’t matter any more. Funny thing about the past, it has a way of creeping into your present and future. Think about it, what you do now will affect what will come up in your relationships later on. Just like businesses doing an interview (present) and checking your references (past) to see how you will fare in their open position (future).
The present will be your past which will be present in your future. What you do right now (the present), will become what you did (your past), which will present itself in your future! Who knew!?
"carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero"
In the first part of the series I left you with my motto: Are you who, the person you are looking for, is looking for? And I promised you some practical tips on how to become the right person found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and here they are:
Love never pressures the other person…ever! Love creates enough space and time and margin as the other person needs. What this looks like: Not cutting off people when they are in the middle of their sentence; listening first, then responding. Stop trying to push your own agenda.
Another word for kind is considerate. Love is always considerate of the other person. This means taking into consideration how the other person feels…all the time. What this looks like: Empathize. Consider what the other person might like and then do it!
Envy looks like: “I don’t feel too good about me, so I can’t let you feel too good about you.” Let the glory sit with them, don’t try to one-up them. What this looks like: If your date tells you a story, don’t try to tell a better story. Celebrate other people’s stories.
What this looks like: Admit when you are wrong. Step on your stubbornness! Don’t be too proud to ask for help! (Men, that’s us right here)
When you date or are married, never create regret. Never be part of someone’s regret story. What this looks like: Honor others. Simple, but hard.
I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory but you never know. Love isn’t about you! It isn’t about the other person either! It’s about the togetherness, the ‘we’, the ‘us’. What this looks like: what is the best for us. If you are a Christian, this also includes God. Check out one of my previous posts, Marriage Isn’t for Two.
Love has a long-temper. Love never yells or screams or shouts. What this looks like: No going hulk.
Love doesn’t drudge up a past conflict that has been settled to be used as ammunition in a present conflict. What this looks like: Forgiveness. Forgiveness means letting it go, not necessarily forgetting, but not holding it against another, especially if it has been resolved.
Love doesn’t lie. Even further, love doesn’t like lying. We all tell white lies now and again, but love shouldn’t require that. It delights in truth always, no matter the circumstances. What this looks like: Don’t make up stories to try and impress another person. It’ll come back to bite you. Come clean with any lies you may have told.
Love doesn’t run away at the first sign of turbulence. Love gives the benefit of the doubt. What this looks like: Guard your relationship and give the benefit of the doubt. (This is the one where many divorces or separations happen)
Love endures. Love hopes for a better future and sticks around during the “for worse” parts. What this looks like: work through problems and issues together, in sickness and in health.
Now, I am not naïve to think that all of these things happen at once. All of these things are very difficult to put into practice and it doesn’t just happen over night. That is why we are to become the person the person you are looking for is looking for over a period of time. Every date and every encounter is another chance to practice patience, consideration, honor, etc. so that when you do meet Mr./Mrs. Right you are the most patient, the most considerate, the most honorable, the most hopeful person on the planet.
Which aspect of love is hard for you to put into practice? Which ones come more naturally to you and which ones do you see yourself tripping on over and over again? If you are married, are you the “right person” for your spouse? I’d love to hear from you! Comment and I’ll respond back!
…You’ve just heard a Cao go moo.