Man (in) a Tee
Have you ever wondered why 50% of marriages end in divorce? (It’s more like 30-35% but who likes accurate statistics anyway, am I right?) Let’s take it back to the beginning of it all: dating.
Have you ever heard this line: “When I meet the right person, everything will be all right.”? Maybe you’ve said it to yourself before, I know I have. It’s an interesting mindset, perpetuated by our entertainment culture of happily ever afters and other fairytale endings. Just watch any Disney movie and you’ll find it there. Guess what, we see it everywhere.
"When I meet the right person, everything will be all right."
Let me describe a situation to you, maybe it’ll sound familiar. Two single people who are both looking for the right person get together and think to themselves, “Wow! I can really hit it off with this person!” They have a lot of chemistry and they believe that no one has ever loved liked this before. Oh, but there’s that statistic of “50% [35%] of marriages end in divorce” right? So, “We got to test out everything to see if we’re ‘compatible’.” So the whole intimacy, physical, sex thing starts happening and it works out! Great Chemistry! *trumpet call* “Lets get married!” Spoiler Alert!
Then they get married and start to have problems. Wait, what? Didn’t they have great chemistry, what happened? The problem isn’t a chemistry one, it’s a relationship one. The issue as I see it isn’t really a marriage problem, either. A marriage problem looks like: which side of the bed do I sleep on? Or, do we squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom, the middle or do we each have our own? People with single problems get married and confuse them for marriage problems.
They didn’t do anything to prepare for the relationship; they thought that the other person, the “right” person, would be good at relationships! Go figure! “Oh, I don’t have to be patient with my wife because she’ll be so perfect and right for me that I would never need to exercise patience with her.” All the married men out there are chuckling to themselves, don’t deny it!
But you know what? Chemistry is easy. (I should know, I have a degree that proves it.) But you don’t have to do anything to have great chemistry. The hard part is the relationship. God created relationship. God created you for relationship. Now you may not believe in God, but if you believe in creationism at some level (whether it be explosions or lack there-of), you’d have to agree with me that human beings are created to interact with other human beings. Let’s just leave it at that.
Relationships don’t just happen automatically or providentially. The really great relationships are made intentionally, and they start with you. I challenge you to, instead of trying to find the right person, to become the right person. Let me put it to you this way: if you were to meet the right person for you after you’ve finished reading this blog post; they have the career, the high-paying job, the good looks,the shining personality; would they be looking at you for a relationship? That’s a tough pill to swallow; if you found the most patient person in the world, would they be satisfied with a relationship with an impatient person? Food for thought.
"Relationships don't just happen automatically or providentially"
This has been my dating motto for the past 2 years or so, and it has really got me to focus on the important aspects of a healthy relationship. Here it is, are you ready? Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for? Let me put some punctuation in there so you don’t understand me wrong: Are you who, the person you are looking for, is looking for?
Wait, what does that mean and how and where do I even start? Fret not, I will be dropping some knowledge and giving some practical dating skills (these apply even if you are married by the way) in my next post. I’ll be looking at a pretty famous letter written by Paul: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the love chapter. Find 11 Steps to Becoming the Right Person here.
Do you agree that nearly a third or half of all marriages end in divorce? What are the issues as you see it? Is it a marriage problem, two single problems colliding, or something entirely different? I’d love to hear from some married people. Drop me a comment and I’ll respond back!
…You’ve just heard a Cao go moo.