Marriage Isn’t For Two

I’m scared of marriage. Chances are, if you are reading this, you are too. (or you just like reading about what makes people scared)

Now, there are plenty of articles and blog posts out there that explain why young men these days are afraid of commitment, marriage, saying ‘I Do’, etc. From wanting to establish a financial foothold in society first, to not wanting the added pressure of having children, to there not being any real advantages of getting married in the first place due to cohabitation.

None of these apply to me.

Now before you go calling me a self-loving, hippie that doesn’t want to be wealthy or have kids, let me tell you why I am scared of marriage.

What I am truly scared of, is losing my identity.

The Back Story

I know a lot of couples, married and unmarried, who really love each other. They’d catch a grenade for each other, throw their hands on blades for each other, jump in front of a train for each other. Heck, they’d even take a bullet straight through the brain for each other! But that’s my problem.

Looking back through my previous relationships I’ve noticed some common threads; one of them being that I tend to dote on the other person. All day. All night. Projects suffered and sleep was almost non-existent. All other relationships took a back seat. It was more important to go on a date than it was to say ‘Hi’ to my family. It was more important than studying for exams, and sometimes even taking the exam itself! This is why I am scared of marriage.

Where Hate Steps In

Since coming to know Jesus, I’ve learned that I am to hate people.

Luke writes in chapter 14 verse 26: “If anyone comes to Me (Jesus) and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.” [NKJV] That’s right folks, we are to hate people according to what Luke writes about Jesus Christ. This totally confused me when I first came across it. But after some digging in the Greek language (since Luke was a Greek Physician), I found out that the Greek word miseo was translated into the English word hate. Miseo in this context describes one relational orientation to another.

Back to the Story

This means other relationships can get in the way of the one that truly matters; the one that we have with God! What I understand Jesus is saying here is this: We are to put the relationship we have with God before all others. It is supposed to be prioritized above all else. Parents can get in the way! Spouses and children can get in the way! Siblings can get in the way! Even I can get in the way!

I mentioned earlier that I am afraid of losing my identity. Let me clarify this for you. I am scared of losing my identity in Christ Jesus. What if I fall back into the pattern of being so focused on a relationship here on earth that I neglect the relationship I have worked hard to have with my Heavenly Father? What if  my non-Christian parents “get in the way” to the point where, to preserve the relationship I want and need with my Eternal, Heavenly Father, I must cut the ties I have with them? What if this happens with some of my Christian brothers? What if I become a workaholic like my father, who is too busy working to earn money for his kids to actually spend time with them?!

It scares me to know that it is better for my relationship with God if I remain unmarried, as Paul has so wonderfully written in his first letter to the Corinthians, but at the same time wanting to get married and raise some kids. I am scared of fixating on the relationships I have with people here on this earth as opposed to being fixated on the relationship that eternally sustains me, that forever empowers me, and that gives me infinite peace.

What are some things that scares you about marriage? I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a comment.

…You’ve just heard a Cao go moo.